Thought for the Day:

The EU should no more indulge us over Brexit than one should assist a friend who, in a fit of insanity, tries to kill themselves.

Boris Johnson’s Today Programme Blues

Shuffles papers with a hum,

Bullshits, flusters, sounds quite glum,

Dead-bats, stutters, scratches bum,

Lastly crowns it with an “Um ...”

The drinking man's Diane Abbott; the shrinking man's Silvio Berlusconi.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-40358825/boris-johnson-struggles-in-interview?SThisFB

Email exchange with Jacob Rees-Mogg MP

Since there is barely a political programme on which Jacob Rees-Mogg doesn't display his well-polished pearls, it's only fair that the nation should occasionally get the chance to answer back ...

If you're interested, Burke's speech is here, and makes VERY interesting reading. Most MPs are Remainers although all but a few bottled out over Article 50:

http://press-pubs.uchicago.edu/foun…/documents/v1ch13s7.html

Dear Mr Rees-Mogg,

I just heard you say on BBC News that Parliament should be the servant not the master of the people.

Can I ask whether you consider that Edmund Burke was wrong in his address to the electors of Bristol in 1774?

If so, what principle best replaces it, in your view?

Yours,
Peter Roberts

(from R-M's Parliamentary assistant)

Dear Mr Roberts
Many thanks for your email.
As Jacob receives so much correspondence he must prioritise his constituents. However, I will ensure that your message is passed to him and if he gets the opportunity he will reply to you.
With best wishes,
S

My response:

Dear S,
Thank you for your prompt response to my email to Mr Rees-Mogg. I do appreciate the heavy workload of an MP and the need to address local correspondence.
However, this is a matter of great national significance. As Mr Rees-Mogg often takes time away from his constituency concerns to speak to us all using the national media, on this occasion I will be most grateful for a response from him.
Best regards,
Peter Roberts

Top Tips, Number 30,003

Can't sleep because it's too hot? Then why not join my new campaigning group, Republicans for Her Majesty?

Because sometimes even a monarch can say it with flowers ...

Translation:
"I've been Queen since before most of you spineless MPs were born and I didn't get to 91 - and having kept my trap shut throughout - to let this country perish at about the same time I do. So sort it out."

From this lifelong republican: well done Ma'am!

(And I'll bet she discussed her choice of clothing with the Duke beforehand - and that it was SHE who put him in hospital as a result of it.)

Quitters: the Queen is the one in the first picture.

The Guillemot, or Why Did Darwin Have To Sail To The Galapagos When He Could Of Stayed At Home?

Half penguin, half torpedo, they
Can dive forever for their prey
Yet fly as well (or just enough)
To nest upon a rocky bluff
Above the oceanic deep
Where thousands congregate to sleep
In colonies vast and denser than
All other birds yet known to Man.
Each pair then tries to win a ledge
And settles there upon the edge
From which, perforce, their feet must dangle
Which is why their eggs
Are
Shaped
A
Bit
Like
A
Triangle.
The reason? Just think where they're sat:
A little nudge and that is that!
But instead of smashing on the ground
Those pointed eggs roll round and round.
And thus by saving little lives
The Guillemotic race survives.

Has anyone seen my MP?

Time to contact Steve Baker MP again:

From time to time I've written to my MP Steve Baker (Con, Wycombe) about Brexit and specifically the difficulty of Remainers being able to have intelligent, civilised and polite debate on Leavers' forums (quite apart from anywhere else). As his constituent I've three times asked Baker, a leading Leaver, for advice about where I and others can go to do this. I sent him some quotations from Leavers from my and others' discussions with them. 

Not only has Baker not replied, but more and more Remainers are complaining of the sheer rudeness, nastiness, bigotry and - I'll spit it out - lumpen-stupidity that passes for debate among the 52% whose vote we are instructed so highly to honour and before the presence of whose democratic majesty our "representatives" so weakly prostrated themselves.

Ron Hollis's post earlier today [on The 48%] reminded me that the absence of basic civilised values, the politically-correct indulgence of anti-social morons and the toleration of bad argument combine to be one of the most significant aspects of the whole shoddy Brexit business. We need to put it out there: to Leavers at the top of all parties, to the Government and to the media. We need to build a consensus around publicising bigotry that says that we will NOT be led into oblivion with these people, and we need to make sure it gains leverage. I will be seeing who best to write to and engage with. You are welcome to offer me advice or support here or on my FB page.

This is not about refighting the Referendum; it is about addressing clear and present needs as the implications of Brexit become clear.

The email - sent to Baker again yesterday evening - follows, though I will well understand if you don't wish to plough through it!

19th June 2017
Dear Steve Baker,

Congratulations on your re-election and appointment as a junior minister in the Brexit Department.

For a third time I am, as your constituent, requesting your considered and honest attention to my email below, which speaks for itself. I have not had the courtesy of a reply from you and I am not going to give up.

If necessary I will request that it is published as an open letter to you in the local press or more widely.

Once again, I will also be grateful for a thoughtful and honest answer to my Addendum concerning the exercise of UK sovereignty where it is untrammelled by the EU.

Please favour me with a substantive reply this time. My original email and my chaser email follow my salutation below.

Yours,
Peter Roberts

1st June 2017
Dear Steve Baker,

Thank you for your election leaflet, which I received this morning.
It reminded me that I haven't yet had a reply to the email I sent you on 16th April in which, as a constituent, I asked for some advice from you as well as your opinion about how well you think the UK compares to other major European nation states in areas where we have full or barely-limited sovereignty. The email is copied below.
I will be grateful to receive a considered response from you.
Yours,
Peter Roberts

16th April 2017
Dear Steve Baker,

As you are my MP I wrote to you (and all MPs) some time ago with a considered case – based partly on Burke’s representative principle, with which you have personally told me you agree – why Parliament should reject leaving the EU following last year’s advisory Referendum. I also appended a list of areas of UK governance in which the EU has little or no say and asked you kindly to judge how we compare in our exercise of sovereignty in these matters to similar EU nations. You didn’t respond to either, which is your prerogative, but as your constituent I hope you will now give me some advice. (I append it again: will you kindly favour me with a substantive response this time?)

Like a number of other Remainers, I have several times gone online and tried politely to engage Leavers in a constructive debate about the case for Brexit, the reasons why they voted for it, the nature of the calling of the EU Referendum, the campaigns, the future state of the Union, the likely economic, social and cultural consequences of leaving the EU and so on. In my case, with the exception of a nice lady in the Midlands, the responses have been one, some or, I’m sad to say, too often all of the following:
1. Demonstrably ignorant;
2. Confused and incoherent;
3. Intemperate and incoherent;
4. Rude and/or abusive;
5. Semi-literate;
6. Notwithstanding all the above, either unwilling or unable to have a serious debate in a spirit of goodwill.

Others I know have expressed reasonable opinions online and have been “trolled” and intimidated by sometimes hundreds of self-styled “nationalists”. A Frenchman who was foolish enough to go onto what appeared a mainstream pro-Brexit page to point out the origin of the term “Great Britain” was told this:
“Hey prick we had a massive empire, and I don’t need a foreign Arsehole [sic] giving me history lessons. So here is one for you. We in Great Britain have voted Brexit and will be sticking two fingers up at the likes of you.”

A Leaver who challenged me on my own Facebook page (“Hooray!” I thought. “At last – now let’s have some democratic debate!”), on being sent a link to where I set out my case against leaving the EU, responded thus: “I am not interested in you or your opinions ... I don’t give a flying fuck.”

I wouldn’t be writing to you if I thought that these were just a few rotten apples. There is a poisonous atmosphere of ignorance, hatred and the worst kind of bigoted nationalism out there. Are these the people Nigel Farage meant when, expecting to lose last June, he intimated (threatened?) social unrest and violence if the result was to be 52%-48%. Oh the irony!

I don’t for a minute think that you condone this kind of behaviour – but I ask you to admit that it is widespread. Like it or not, these are your people; as you have said, you consider yourself mandated by them.

Most if not all Remainers I know are civilised, thoughtful and polite people who, with a few exceptions I admit, can hold and express an opinion with reasonable coherence, tend not to tell people to “fuck off” before they have been properly introduced, and are not using the narrow Leave victory as an excuse for violence, hatred and bigotry. Rather than stew in our own juices we are desperate to be able to engage sensibly with our opponents and to debate with them in a decent spirit (and yes, to persuade them through argument not intimidation that they have made an appalling and historic mistake). We aren’t going away and we have some very formidable (metaphorical) weapons in our armoury - which we will use.

So to my request for your advice: where, in your opinion, should Remainers who want to have a sensible, polite and potentially productive online debate with Leavers go? Where do intelligent Leavers go to debate among themselves - for as everyone knows, there is a range of opinions in your camp?
I look forward to your response, thank you for your time and wish a Happy Easter to you and yours.
Yours,
Peter Roberts

Jack Shit - a personal invitation

As you may have read in the national press, I have yet another exhibition opening at Tate Modern next week. "Jack Shit" is a ground-breaking series of works based upon the national flag in these deeply troubled - yet overwhelmingly optimistic - times, and I am pleased to share this preview with you, dear Friends.

Please continue to subscribe for wonderful future offers just like this! 10% off for Tesco Clubcard holders. Foreigners, please multiply prices by two.

I do look forward to meeting as many of you as possible at TM next week. I'll be outside the Gents' as usual.

1. Black & Blue Brexit - £50,000
2. Not Waving, But Drowning - £75,000
3. Tears of a Clown - £80,000
4. Black Future - £50,000
5. And each slow dusk/A drawing down of blinds (or Brexit Sunset) - £25,000
6. Vorsprung Durch Brexit (or We Don't Even Make The Mini Any More But That Doesn't Stop Us Driving Around In BMWs With Union Jacks Plastered All Over Them As If We Did, I Mean How Delusional Is That?) - £100,000
7. Clinging on by the Fingertips - £30,000
8. Hung Out to Dry - £25,000
9. Please wipe your feet: everyone else is going to - £15,000

Buy! BUY!!!

Anyone for Brexit?

I expect to be criticised for writing this.

On Monday the Government is meant to begin this country's most important international negotiations since William of Normandy passed through the Red Channel at Pevensey. It's in crisis following a catastrophic general election and doesn't even know whether it can command a parliamentary majority, in quest of which it is in discussions with a political party which for most of its life has been run by bigots, religious zealots and nutters. The Prime Minister's capacity and even her right to hold her office is being challenged. These are very important matters.

Yes, in London there has been an appalling and preventable disaster (which may say more about the exercise of independent British sovereignty than is politic to admit just now - a German building expert quoted on BBC 2's 'Newsnight' expressed amazement that we use such cladding materials in the UK as they are banned in that poor, benighted, EU-fixated yet remarkably strong and stable nation). Yes, the Government's and above all the Prime Minister's responses have been heartlessly inadequate. But there is no practical - or moral - reason why everything has to be put on hold because of Grenfell.

Perhaps, behind the scenes, the Government's negotiators with both the DUP (to secure a parliamentary majority) and the EU (to lose it again) are pressing ahead. If so, we should be told, so could the news media spend a moment on the subject? But I suspect that they aren't; that things really are at a standstill.

If so, do they need to be? Once the PM has paid obligatory and necessary attention to the Grenfell victims and their loved ones, can the ship of the modern state not sail on and deal with both the aftermath and vast implications of the fire and - I'll spit it out - the even greater matter of the nation's future?

I'm an unreformable opponent of the Conservative Party, the Prime Minister and the wrist-slitting absurdity of Brexit, but I'd still like a bit of clarity. Given the London tragedy the "Europeans" may be, as they have so often been, too polite to scoff at the amateurish, half-cocked chaos we so know and cling to, but that doesn't make it any less chaotic.

May: the case against.

When you look at the things that contributed to Theresa May's slow-burning self-immolation - at least the things for which she and her campaign were responsible - it's a sobering thought how easily the bleedin' obvious eludes us all, including the expert and experienced, and how hard it is to think outside the box until it is crushed with us inside it.

Just look at the charge sheet:

Cynicism. Blatantly putting party above country and calling it "the national interest". Even though Cameron had done the same a year before. And lost too.

Stupidity. See above.

Complacency. That the landslide was assured.

Arrogance. Accompanying the above, and amplified by posing as a presidential candidate.

Cowardice. Compounding both of the above by then dodging the presidential duty to debate. (How obvious was THAT?)

Condescension. Towards both her opponents and the electorate.

Inconsistency. Accompanied - and amplified - by absolute certainty in her professed belief in each contradictory position: a Remainer who went native as an arch-Quitter; a non-game-player (remember her accusations against the SNP over their entirely justified if politically naive demand for a second Scottish independence referendum?) who called an election after swearing she wouldn't; a conviction politician who changed her manifesto in mid-campaign AND THEN SAID SHE HADN'T.

Inhumanity. Because humanity isn't that hard to fake and if you can't then why go into politics anyway, let alone assume that people are going to trust you?

Disrespect. Endlessly repeating a conspicuously rehearsed mantra regardless of the question asked of her. Voters see through that. (She was at it again tonight: Q - "Do you feel any sense of disappointment after the election result?" A - "What I feel is that there is a job to be done and that THE PUBLIC EXPECT [my capitals; her chutzpah] that we have to get on and do it ... bla bla blabbedy bla" etc. etc.) Except that chutzpah is chutzpah only when it works. If it doesn't it's just embarrassing.

Anality. Insistence on pronouncing your "t"s even when it makes you sound like a dick, and worse, as the kind of dick who ranks pronunciatory precision higher than sounding human. Gove does it too, by the way. You know: the kind of people who pronounce the "d" in "Wednesday". It's COMPLETELY unacceptable in today's world. It's even worse than those college-educated socialists who DROP their "t"s.

Given the mood of the electorate at the moment, I give grea'est weight to the last.

Maggie? MAY!

Now gather round me bonny boys, and listen to my plea
And when you've heard my sorry tale, I’m sure you’ll pity me:
For I was taken down on the streets of London Town
On the first day that I come home from the sea.

I was thrust upon the dole where I stood behind a Pole,
Just four pound ten a week that was my pay
But though ragged, poor and thin, I was very soon took in
By a harlot with the name of Maggie May.

Oh that dirty Maggie May, they have taken her away
And she'll never walk up Downing Street no more
With her 6-inch heels a-clickin' and her sights on tight spring chicken,
That dirty, robbin', no good Maggie May.

Now I well recall the day when I first met Maggie May
She was cruising up and down on Hampton Wick
She'd a face so cold and snow-like and a manner cruel and crow-like
But me, I'm just a Quitter, and I'm thick.

So she took me up to bed whereupon she sweetly said
That if I trusted her then she’d be mine,
Why with her so strong and stable, and me so young and able
Our future life together would be fine!

Oh that dirty Maggie May, they have taken her away
And she'll never walk down Downing Street no more
For she robbed me sweet and stealthy just to give it to the wealthy
That dirty, robbin', no good Maggie May.

In the morning when I woke, I was flat and stony broke
No jacket, kegs nor wallet could be found
When I asked her where they were, she said "You halfwit cur,
They're for the boat and halfway Brussels bound.”

Swift to Dover I did run but of my clothing found I none
So the voters come and took that girl away
And the judge he guilty found her, of robbing a homeward–bounder
And I think meself well lucky to this day.

Oh that dirty Maggie May, they have taken her away
And a curse upon her party evermore
Oh hearken to my story and never trust a Tory
Like that Dirty, Robbin’, No Good Maggie May.

The Conservative and Unionist Party: a Guide

A guide to the Conservative Party's Facebook page this morning, Friday 9th June 2017. Please follow the arrows clockwise from top left.

Blue arrow: our Party's symbol is a person tangled up in a Union Jack and rushing blindly around not knowing what he or she is doing.

Green: this is a picture of our Leader and the Prime Minister of our Nation.

Yellow: this is what she does for our Nation and how she does it.

Pink: critics may be unaware that the Conservative Party's interest IS the national interest and always has been, so no cynicism please. Weren't you listening in History at school?

Grey: this is a recent front cover from our Party newspaper, 'Der Stürmer'.

Red: this is Vladimir Ilych Lenin, our founding father. Along with Lev Trotsky he developed the idea of "permanent revolution", which we have been applying assiduously ever since 24th June 2016.

Orange: sorry, haven't got a clue what that's all about.

Let's Call a Spade a Spade, Shall We? - Number 6.

Do the Irish, Germans, Italians, Spanish, Dutch, Brazilians, Indonesians, Australians, Poles, Canadians, Norwegians, Bahamians, Argentinians or most other countries waste time on judging whether their leaders would press the nuclear button, let alone make it a condition for holding the highest office?

No, they don't: they're lucky enough to be able to take more interest in how their country is functioning.

The only difference - and our problem - is that we're a former world power which happens to have a few nuclear missiles. We amusingly call them our "independent" deterrent although it's inconceivable we'd ever use them independently. This is because (1) we shelter beneath the American nuclear umbrella and (2) we'd probably all be dead by the time Corbyn found his reading glasses. ("D'oh! - I was wearing them all the time and now we're all dead!" ... I know the feeling.)

It's an unhelpful conceit to think otherwise, so until Trump finally starts chewing the Oval Office carpet in pink slippers and a frogman's outfit, let's talk about real issues - which Corbyn does rather well - not make a fetish of button-pressing.

Please draw the appropriate conclusions.

Alternatively, vote Conservative. Go on, treat yourself: you deserve it!

Thanks to Andy Warhol for this.

What I always admired about Andy as an artist was not just his strength but also his stability.

Thought for the Day, Number 38

Revolutions are like buses: you wait for ages and they still don't turn up.

Read All About It!

Read All About It!

That Trump speech: the view from The Maldives.

You bastard.

Thought for the Day, Number 37

Like people, History often sleeps; unlike people, it always wakes up again.

Vote, Dammit!

To the growing list of political and personal failings of Theresa Dismay (here seen in characteristically relaxed mood sharing a joke over dinner with Karl-Heinz Bismarck or whatever his name is) can now be added that of "coward".

Apparently she doesn't like "squabbling politicians". It makes you wonder why she still refuses to abolish Parliament, particularly as she said she called this election because she objected to its constitutional duty to scrutinise the executive.

But her scrabbling attempts to rise above the battle are daily enlarging the hole she is digging herself beneath it. She may not lose, but my God she deserves to. To make this a presidential election in the first place was grotesque; to then shirk the presidential duty of debating with her opponents is unforgivable.

So no despondency: get out and vote on June 8th!

Vote tactically not tribally and DON'T be tempted to spoil ballot papers out of frustration if, like me, you live in a first-past-the-post rotten borough. May specifically and with calculation called this election over the Brexit issue. Whatever the result, the number of votes gained nationally for anti-Brexit parties and/or candidates WILL have traction in the battles ahead.

Above all, tell queasy Remainers the same!

Remember that even a small Tory majority or a hung Parliament will be a battle won given May's complacent cynicism in calling this election and believing she has the right to win it unchallenged.

Last Man Standing

So here we are at a hushed, expectant Lords - my word, you could cut the tension with a knife! - as Heyhoe-Flint turns at the Pavilion End and begins her run-up. Local hero and surprise selection Corbyn - in his first ever Test match - is still at the crease after an unexpectedly sparkling 99 and needs just the one run off the last ball of the match and with one wicket remaining for both his century and victory in the Series, having turned the whole game around after Abbott's golden duck and the collapse of the top order ...

... he composes himself and crouches now, eyes fixed, as Heyhoe-Flint passes the umpire, arrives at the crease ....

... and sends down an awful, medium-pace long-hop!
... BUT OH MY GOODNESS! CORBYN HAS HIT HIS OWN STUMPS AND ... YES, HE'S ON HIS WAY!