Pseuds' Corner

Thanks to Layla Roberts (no relation) for this.

Ah the good old days when we tried to make cars instead of assembling them for people who actually know how to!

The Austin Allegro! Some may remember the Vanden Plas 1500, which was a limited edition Allegro [as if anything could be more limited than an Austin Allegro, I hear you ask] with a truly laughable Rolls-Royce-style grille, goatskin seats and a mock balsa-wood lino veneer fascia. On account of its tragic pretentiousness - a kind of distillation of British self-importance into one crappy, screwed-up little excuse for a car - I can still remember the brochure by heart and propose to quote from it to you now:

"The phrase 'good quality' has a distinctly old-fashioned ring, yet there is a place for such traditional expression, even in today's phrenetic [sic], cost-conscious world. The quiet popularity enjoyed by the Vanden Plas 1500 [trans: no one bought it] is ample proof of that, and it's an intriguing exercise to discover why discerning motorists [trans: Daily Nosebleed-reading, brown-nosed pseuds] are so convinced of its sterling [note the delusional allusion] qualities. To begin with, the car [sic] is truly international [WHAT?] in concept. It would [sic: Trans: it never did because none ever made it as far as the end of the A2] look at home in Rome, Paris, Vienna or any other of the great [sic: bloody Europeans!] European capitals, yet its unmistakable air of good breeding [sic] is quintessentially British ..."

Quintessentially British? Quintessentially sodding Brexit, you mean.