What an Eton Mess - and his name's Johnson, not "Boris".

I heard Boris Johnson interviewed on Radio 4 this morning. He was awful: opaque, slippery, hesitant, in no way on top of his brief, paying more attention to being "Boris" than a serious politician. He will have to negotiate with some serious politicians soon enough and they will make an Eton mess of him. And, by extension, us.

The Truth

Dear Science,
You hadn’t invented smartphones yet, so I refer you to the Sistine Chapel.
Yours,

Religion

Hot and Cross

Oh for Christ's sake ... "from indulgent Belgian chocolate to savoury, tangy cheese, discover 9 irresistible [fake news: I have done so] hot cross bun varieties ...". Honestly, these people would crucify their savoury, tangy Grandmothers for a few denarii more.

So what, I wonder, might the other 7 lip-smacking, soul-destroying taste experiences be? Leaving out old-school, boring Hot-Cross-Bun flavour - SO twentieth-century! - how about:
3. Chewy, picante Italian pepperoni;
4. Sizzling Mexican fajita;
5. Smoky, dopey Baltic eel;
6. Touchy, feely kiwi-fruit & mushroom;
7. Traditional chicken tikka;
8. Aromatic, stringy Stoke-on-Trent refried Brexit pavement pizza;
9. Sod it.


And how about this, too?

I'm neither a Christian nor easily offended but this is a particularly nasty and tasteless piece of mindless awfulness from a company which abets our own worship of meaninglessness by selling hot cross buns every day of the year only to run out of them religiously by 8am on Good Friday. All I can say is that we deserve Tesco as much as Tesco doesn't deserve us.

Anyway, Happy bloody Easter. The good, it seems, die both young and in vain.

Thought for the Day

How tragic it would be if humanity were to be destroyed just because Donald Trump doesn't have bigger hands and Vladimir Putain isn't 5 inches taller.

(Here the President of the USA is seen demonstrating how he claims to make up for it, while the President of the USSR is pictured arranging the appointment of Sam Allardyce as England football team manager.)

Probably a good idea at the moment. Just don't get killed in the rush.

(Photo taken at Broadway Hill, Gloucestershire.)

Barkling Mad!

I can't stand either 'The Sun' or Kelvin McKenzie and I understand why both are hated on Merseyside, but I don't see why being "wrong" and "unfunny" about footballer Ross Barkley qualifies McKenzie to be suspended or sacked.

As for accusing McKenzie of racism for comparing Barkley to a gorilla on the grounds that one of his grandparents is Nigerian (rather than accusing him of a lack of imagination and crass rudeness), that's just pathetic.

A witch-hunt is still a witch-hunt, and this one is just as damaging for us all as those conducted by the vile McKenzie down the decades.

Letter to my MP, Steve Baker (Conservative, Wycombe)

Email sent to my MP Steve Baker (Conservative, High Wycombe) and copied to 'The 48%' Facebook group.

(Note: that this was sent just before Theresa May called the election she said she wouldn't call in order to force through the Brexit in which she said she didn't believe - but I will still chase him for an answer.)

16th April 2017

Dear Steve Baker,

As you are my MP I wrote to you (and all MPs) some time ago with a considered case – based partly on Burke’s representative principle, with which you have personally told me you agree – why Parliament should reject leaving the EU following last year’s advisory Referendum. I also appended a list of areas of UK governance in which the EU has little or no say and asked you kindly to judge how we compare to similar EU nations in the exercise of our sovereignty in these matters. (I append it again: will you kindly favour me with a substantive response this time?) You didn’t respond to either, which is your prerogative, but as your constituent I hope you will now give me some advice.

Like many other Remainers, I have several times gone online and tried politely to engage Leavers in a constructive debate about the case for Brexit, the reasons why they voted for it, the nature of the calling of the EU Referendum, the campaigns, the future state of the Union, the likely economic, social and cultural consequences of leaving the EU and so on. In my case, with the exception of a nice lady in the Midlands, the responses have been one, some or, I’m sad to say, too often all of the following:

1. Demonstrably ignorant;
2. Confused and incoherent;
3. Intemperate and incoherent;
4. Rude and often abusive;
5. Semi-literate;
6. Notwithstanding all the above, either unwilling or unable to have a serious debate in a spirit of goodwill.

Others I know have expressed reasonable opinions online and have been “trolled” and intimidated by sometimes hundreds of self-styled “nationalists”.

A Frenchman who was foolish enough to go onto what appeared a mainstream pro-Brexit page to point out the origin of the term “Great Britain” was told this:
“Hey prick we had a massive empire, and I don’t need a foreign Arsehole [sic] giving me history lessons. So here is one for you. We in Great Britain have voted Brexit and will be sticking two fingers up at the likes of you.”

A Leaver who challenged me on my own Facebook page (“Hooray!” I thought. “At last – now let’s have some democratic debate!”), on being sent a link to where I set out my case against leaving the EU, responded thus: “I am not interested in you or your opinions ... I don’t give a flying fuck.”

I wouldn’t be writing to you if I thought that these were just a few rotten apples. There is a poisonous atmosphere of ignorance, hatred and the worst kind of bigoted nationalism out there. Are these the people Nigel Farage meant when, expecting to lose last June, he intimated (threatened?) social unrest and violence if the result was to be 52%-48%? Oh the irony!

I don’t for a minute think that you condone this kind of behaviour – but I ask you to admit that it is widespread. Like it or not, these are your people; as you have said, you consider yourself mandated by them.

Most if not all Remainers I know are civilised, thoughtful and polite people who, with a few exceptions I admit, can hold and express an opinion with reasonable coherence, tend not to tell people to “fuck off” before they have been properly introduced, and are not using the narrow Leave victory as an excuse for violence, hatred and bigotry.

Rather than stew in our own juices we are desperate to be able to engage sensibly with our opponents and to debate with them in a decent spirit (and yes, to persuade them through argument not intimidation that they have made an appalling and historic mistake). We aren’t going away and we have some very formidable (metaphorical) weapons in our armoury - which we will use.

So to my request for your advice: where, in your opinion, should Remainers who want to have a sensible, polite and potentially productive online debate with Leavers go? Where do intelligent Leavers go to debate among themselves - for as everyone knows, there is a range of opinions in your camp?

I look forward to your response, thank you for your time and wish a Happy Easter to you and yours.

Peter Roberts

ADDENDUM to my email to all MPs: please give me your considered answer.

Compared to other EU nations of similar wealth, does the UK in general have
• a better education system and higher levels of literacy?
• better health and social care systems?
• better standards of health, food and diet?
• higher economic productivity?
• a more equitable distribution of wealth?
• better urban environments and better quality housing?
• better transport systems and better quality roads?
• more independent shops and restaurants, and fewer corporate chain stores in our high streets?
• higher standards of public behaviour and less alcohol-fuelled night-time aggression?
• and, most importantly of all, better national football teams?

That Dirty Maggie May

John Maynard Keynes: "When the facts change, I change my opinion."

Theresa May: "When my opinion changes, I change the facts."

If May really did call a general election "reluctantly" then it's the greatest display of reluctance since Operation Barbarossa.

As for "The country is coming together; Westminster is not": the country is coming together as enthusiastically as a couple in an arranged marriage of 30 years whose mutual loathing has deepened with time and who weren't able to book two single rooms at a B&B.

As for Westminster ...

- The Labour Party is completely useless;
- The Liberal Democrats have only 9 seats;
- The SNP are only doing what they did when Theresa May was adamant that there would be no snap election (i.e. yesterday);
- The "unelected" [sic] House of Lords (for which, by the way, a very good conservative case can be made) has no power when push comes to shove anyway - as they have so recently and pusillanimously shown.

In other words, she's lying again.

That DIRTY
NO-GOOD
R-R-R-RRRROBBIN'
MAGGIE MAY.

Pseuds' Corner

Thanks to Layla Roberts (no relation) for this.

Ah the good old days when we tried to make cars instead of assembling them for people who actually know how to!

The Austin Allegro! Some may remember the Vanden Plas 1500, which was a limited edition Allegro [as if anything could be more limited than an Austin Allegro, I hear you ask] with a truly laughable Rolls-Royce-style grille, goatskin seats and a mock balsa-wood lino veneer fascia. On account of its tragic pretentiousness - a kind of distillation of British self-importance into one crappy, screwed-up little excuse for a car - I can still remember the brochure by heart and propose to quote from it to you now:

"The phrase 'good quality' has a distinctly old-fashioned ring, yet there is a place for such traditional expression, even in today's phrenetic [sic], cost-conscious world. The quiet popularity enjoyed by the Vanden Plas 1500 [trans: no one bought it] is ample proof of that, and it's an intriguing exercise to discover why discerning motorists [trans: Daily Nosebleed-reading, brown-nosed pseuds] are so convinced of its sterling [note the delusional allusion] qualities. To begin with, the car [sic] is truly international [WHAT?] in concept. It would [sic: Trans: it never did because none ever made it as far as the end of the A2] look at home in Rome, Paris, Vienna or any other of the great [sic: bloody Europeans!] European capitals, yet its unmistakable air of good breeding [sic] is quintessentially British ..."

Quintessentially British? Quintessentially sodding Brexit, you mean.

Brexit: the questions to ask.

Notwithstanding what happens elsewhere, Robin Lustig in The Guardian has provided a list of vulnerable Conservative seats where tactical voting by Remainers (AND, I FEEL COMPELLED TO ADD, ACTIVE CAMPAIGNING BY REMAINERS!) could overturn their majority. (I've copied Lustig's list at the end of this post.)

I'm no psephologist nor the brightest when it comes to crunching on stuff like this. (I'd like to be able to afford staff to do it for me but these days I can't even find anyone to iron my copy of Socialist Worker each morning.) Anyway, it seems to me that in these seats a coordinated Remain tactical vote may work if this happens:

In Con/LD marginals: Remainers vote Lib Dem and work at Tory Remainers and “soft” Leavers to do the same on this occasion.
In Con/Lab marginals: Remainers vote Labour and work on the others as above.

Looking beyond Lustig's list, there are lots of seats which are marginal on paper but where the combined Tory/UKIP vote is considerably higher than the combined Labour, LibDem, Green and (in Wales) Plaid Cymru vote. This makes any breakthrough unlikely unless all Remainers ...
(1) vote for the next biggest party (not UKIP of course!);
(2) work away at Tory Remainers who, at least on this occasion, would be prepared to vote in the same way;
(3) work away at Tory Leavers who don’t want a ‘hard’ Brexit and will be prepared to do the same as (2);
(4) hope (or pray, as is your wont) that the UKIP turnout is either low or is both high and augmented by Tories (unlikely), splitting the Quitter vote and letting another party through - rather than, as may sadly happen, the UKIP rats (lemmings?) jumping ship and voting Tory.

What arguments should be used by Remainers? Here are some that occur to me. They aren't exhaustive so please add to them or (constructively) criticise them.

By all means correct lies and misconceptions but don’t bang on about how wonderful the EU is: that will just harden Leavers’ arteries even further. This is not about re-fighting the Referendum and their scepticism won't go away. Rather, play the sovereignty card - in two ways. The failure to do this (even now) has been a gaping flaw in the Referendum and subsequent campaigns:

1. Ask them how much sovereignty is ACTUALLY yielded to the EU, in what areas, and how this concretely affects their lives and the country’s well-being. Really probe them on this.

2. Focus on areas where the UK has never lost its sovereignty and get them to say how well we have exercised it compared to similarly developed EU nations (hint: very badly – see the list of areas on which to focus in my letter to the New European last week; you may well have others in mind).

Be blunt: the political class in Parliament went missing at the most crucial point in our modern history so it’s now up to us. We are asking Tory Remainers, Tory “soft” Leavers and waverers of all stripes to lend a tactical vote for an express purpose. This purpose is NOT somehow to allow Corbyn to form a government: that just won't happen! It is to stop May's cynical dash for the line by giving Parliament enough numerical leverage either to challenge the "hard" Brexit she has set out (for which most Leave voters didn’t vote and wouldn't have had they known) or to insist on a second referendum when the terms of Brexit are known. Anything else is a blank cheque both for a woman who has plainly shown that she can't be trusted and for what she once called the "nasty" tendency - a minority - within the Conservative Party. It's the patriot's choice. (Use the word!)

If necessary, be prepared to talk about immigration, however unpalatable this may be. Many won't agree with me, but I do think that the EU is being excessively utopian in believing that completely open borders can function smoothly in a continent with such varied economies at this time. I simply believe that this is an insufficient reason to leave, that we are not alone with the pressures and that we should argue the case with others inside the EU rather than run away. (I'm no economist and if you have a good case why I'm wrong, please let me know what it is - politely!)

And don't forget Ireland. WE ALWAYS FORGET IRELAND!

Here is Lustig’s list. I’ve omitted seats where UKIP did well (for example, Thurrock - Con 16,692, Lab 16,156, UKIP 15,718, LD 644 - looks a bit of a hopeless case to me).

Conservatives <5,000 ahead of LibDems (most vulnerable at top):
1. Eastbourne (C 20,934, LD 20,201, UKIP 6,139, Lab 4,143; Green 1,351)
2. Lewes (C 19,206, LD 18,123, UKIP 5,427, Lab 5,000; Green 2,784)
3. Thornbury & Yate (C 19,924, LD 18,428, UKIP 5,126, Lab 3,775; Green 1,350)
4. Twickenham (C 25,580, LD 23,563, Lab 7,129, UKIP 3,069, Green 2,463) (Vince Cable’s old seat)
5. Kingston & Surbiton (C 23,249, LD 20,415, Lab 8,574, UKIP 4,321, Green 2,322)
6. St Ives (C 18,491, LD 16,022, UKIP 5,720, Lab 4,510, Green 3,051)
7. Torbay (C 19,521, LD 16,265, UKIP 6,540 , Lab 4,166, Green 1,557)
8. Sutton & Cheam (C 20,732, LD 16,811, Lab 5,546, UKIP 5,341, Green 1,051)
9. Bath (C 17,833, LD 14,000, Lab 6,216, Green 5,634, UKIP 2,922)

Conservatives <1,000 ahead of Labour (most vulnerable at top)
Gower (C 15,862, Lab 15,835, UKIP 4,733, Plaid 3,051, LD 1,552, Green 1,161)
1. Derby North (C 16,402, Lab 16,361, UKIP 6,532, LD 3,832, Green 1,118)
2. Croydon Central (C 16,402, Lab 16,361, UKIP 6,532, LD 3,832, Green 1,118)
3. Vale of Clwyd (C 13,760, Lab 13,523, UKIP 4,577, Plaid 2,486 LD 915)
4. Bury North (C 18,970, Lab 18,592, UKIP 5,595, Green 1,141, LD 932)
5. Morley & Outwood (C 18,776, Lab 18,354, UKIP 7,951, LD 1,426, Green 1,264)
6. Plymouth Sutton & Devonport (C 18,120, Lab 17,597, UKIP 6,731, Green 3,401, LD 2,008)
7. Brighton Kemptown (C 18,428, Lab 17,738, UKIP 4,446, Green 3,187, LD 1,365)
8. Weaver Vale (C 20,227, Lab 19,421, UKIP 4,547, LD 1,395, Green 1,183)